Hands Down, The Funniest Song Titles Of All Time

“You’re The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly”

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Artists: Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty
Release date: June 1978

There’s just something about country music that lends itself to funny song titles. Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn exchanged barbs in this witty song, singing, “You’re the reason I changed to beer from soda pop/An’ you’re the reason I never get to go to the beauty shop/You’re the reason our kids are ugly little darling.” 

“I’m Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home” 

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Artist: David Frizzell
Released: April 1982

The title of this country song is exactly what the tune is about. A woman, unhappy with her man’s wandering ways and drinkin’, threatens to turn their home into a honky-tonk. Frizzell’s lyrics are pretty creative. “She said: “I’m gonna’ hire a wino to decorate our home/So you’ll feel more at ease here/and you won’t have to roam.” 

“Girls Just Want To Have Lunch”

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Artist: Weird Al
Release date: June 1985

Leave it to Weird Al to make a hilarious parody of Cyndi Lauper’s popular song “Girl Just Want To Have Fun”. The lyrics totally don’t disappoint. “Don’t ask ’em to dinner or breakfast or brunch/Cause girls, they wanna have lunch/Oh, girls just wanna have lunch,” Al sang in his signature nasally voice. 

“How Come Your Dog Don’t Bite Nobody But Me?”

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Artists: Web Pierce and Mel Tillis
Release date: 1963

Country crooners Web Pierce and Mel Tillis joined forces to bring this strange song into the world. Animals are known for having discerning judgment when it comes to reading humans, so maybe this song title isn’t as far-fetched as it seems. Either way, the entire concept is quite entertaining.

“You Can’t Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd”

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Artist: Roger Miller
Released: 1966

This silly song was taken a bit too literally when Johnny Knoxville famously roller-skated in front of a buffalo heard in the film Jackass 3. He was trampled to the ground as the Roger Miller hit played in the background. Do not try this at home!

“I’m Full Of Steak, And Cannot Dance”

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Artist: Sidney Gish
Released: 2017

Sidney Gish is known for writing clever song titles. We hate to break it to you, but this song actually has nothing to do with overeating meat or avoiding the dance floor. The lyrics are a bit moody and don’t mention steak once. Gish seems to be taking a look at complicated relationships. Either way, the name of the song is pretty fumy.

“I’ve Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart”

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Artist: Johnny Cash
Released: 1968

No one could spin a metaphor better than the late Johnny Cash. He wrote this sad song about heartbreak, singing, “I’ve been washed down the sink of your conscience, in the theater of your love,/I lost my part, and now you say you’ve got me out of your conscience/I’ve been flushed from the bathroom of your heart.” 

“Billy Broke My Heart At Walgreens (I Cried All The Way To Sears)”

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Artist: Ruby Wright
Released: November 1964

Ruby Wright may have written the ultimate break-up song. While the title is hilarious, the lyrics tell a sorrowful tale of a girl being broken up with during her lunch break at Walgreens. “I’d fall down/then I’d get up while slipping on my tears/Billy broke my heart at Walgreens/and then I cried all the way to Sears,” the song says. 

“Let’s Face It, Pal, You Don’t Need That Eye Surgery”

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Artist: Don Caballero
Released: October 2000

While this song may not have any lyrics, it does feature an almost hostile jam session. Caballero must feel very passionate about the high cost of eye surgery these days. This tune could convince just about anyone to opt for contact lenses instead.

“Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through The Goal Posts Of Life)”

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Artist: Bobby Bare
Released: 1976

Before Carrie Underwood belted out the song “Jesus Take The Wheel”, Bobby Bare gave us his own ditty about surrender. This one must have been a favorite among church-goers of that era, with lyrics like, “Dropkick me, Jesus/Through the goalposts of life/End over end, neither left nor the right/Straight through the heart of them righteous uprights.” 

“Did I Shave My Legs For This?”

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Artist: Deana Carter
Released: November 1997

This country anthem was written for all the ladies out there who thought they’ve found Mr. Right only to discover they ended up with Mr. Wrong. What she thought would be a night filled with romance turned out to be a huge disappointment, which left her singing, “Did I shave my legs for this?” Funny stuff, but also sort of sad. She needs to dump that dude!

“Satan Gave Me A Taco”

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Artist: Beck
Released: 1993

If you can imagine what a taco given to you by Satan would taste like, then you’ll love this bizarre song by Beck. The lyrics are both hilarious and terrifying. “Satan gave me a taco and it made me really sick/The chicken was all raw and the grease was mighty thick/The rice was all rancid and the beans were so hard/I was gettin’ kinda dizzy eatin’ all the lard.” 

“Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed”

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Artist: Kinky Friedman
Released: February 1973

The anti-feminist song probably ruffled a few feathers when it came out in the 1970s. The lyrics are filled with offensive viewpoints that would never fly today. Here’s a sample: “You uppity women I don’t understand/Why you gotta go and try to act like a man/But before you make your weekly visit to the shrink/You’d better occupy the kitchen, liberate the sink.” 

“I’ve Got 10 Friends And A Crowbar That Says You Ain’t Gonna Do Jack”

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Artist: Underoath
Released: 2004

Emo bands always come up with the longest and most ridiculous names for their songs. The lyrics to this track are nearly indistinguishable, considering the lead singer screams them at the top of their lungs for most of the duration. From what we can decipher, someone broke this guy’s heart, big time.

“Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued”

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Artist: Fall Out Boy
Released: 2005

Fall Out Boy is another band that dreams up epic titles for their songs. The song was originally called “My Name Is David Ruffin And These Are The Temptations,” but their lawyer made them change it so they wouldn’t be sued for using the name of the former lead singer of The Temptations, David Ruffin, in the title. Anyway, the lyrics are about the trappings of fame. 

“Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)”

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Artist: Homer & Jethro
Released: 1965

This parody song is just as absurd as you think it would be. The title is pretty self-explanatory, as it’s about a person spotting a fly on their Papa’s head and requesting a tool to kill it. They request a hammer at first but are totally willing to use a crowbar instead. Poor Papa, something tells us this didn’t end well for him.

“Here’s A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)”

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Artist: Travis Tritt
Released: 1991

Travis Tritt proved just how bitter he was about a nasty breakup in this country ballad. She might have wanted him back, but Tritt was having none of that, singing, “Well I thought what we had, could never turn bad./So your leavin’ caught me unaware/But the fact is you’ve run, girl that can’t be undone/So here’s a quarter, call someone who cares.” 

“Put Your Big Toe In The Milk Of Human Kindness”

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Artist: Elvis Costello
Released: 1994

This show tune was originally written for the soundtrack of a Disney movie but was rejected. Costello picked up the playful song and made it his own. The lyrics are a bit meandering, but it seems like this one is about being kind to your fellow man. Regardless, the title is amusing to us.

“The World’s Greatest Bowler Is The World’s Worst Anything Else”

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Artist: Panucci’s Pizza
Released: 2013

This short and sweet song is an interlude that samples dialogue from the series The Office. While the tune has nothing to do with the title, as most Emo songs do, we had to add this one to the list because it has such an unusual name.

“I Like Bananas (Because They Have No Bone)”

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Artist: Hoosier Hot Shots
Released: 1941

The Hoosier Hot Shots recorded this parody that celebrates the humble banana. They also insult several other fruits, vegetables, and various food items throughout the duration of the song. It’s one of those melodies that take you back to simpler times. Who knew a banana could be so inspiring?

“My Lucky Pants Failed Me Again”

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Artist: Tom Rosenthol
Released: 2017

This catchy folk song touches on those days when you start out feeling optimistic but things just go downhill. Honestly, it’s a bit of an emotional roller coaster with lyrics like, “They’ll say all the smiles descend from me/touch my elbow if you can/ if you’re happy, hold my hand/I’m the greatest optimist in the sea/but sometimes the demise/ sometimes the world lies,/my hopes down the drain/my lucky pants failed me again.” 

“The Eggplant That Ate Chicago”

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Artist: Dr. West’s Medicine Show And Junk Band
Released: 1967

Who doesn’t love a good song about a vegetable invading the city of Chicago? If you think this song’s title is weird, wait until you hear the lyrics. “He came from outer space/ Lookin’ for somethin’ to eat/He landed in Chicago/He thought Chicago was a treat/(It was sweet, it was just like sugar).” It’s no mystery that this band when down in history as a “one-hit wonder”. 

“How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?”

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Artist: Dan Hicks & His Hot Licks
Released: 1969

Do you have an ex that just won’t take the hint? Maybe consider playing this song for them. This not-so-subtle country ditty doesn’t beat around the bush. They’ll hear you loud and clear with these lyrics: “Out of three billion people, why must it be me?/Oh, why, oh, why won’t you cut me loose?/Just do me a favor and listen to my plea/I’m not the only chicken on the roost.” Ouch!

“Nobody Really Cares If You Don’t Go to the Party”

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Artist: Courtney Barnett
Released: 2015

Introverts will love the brutally honest name of this song. Although the lyrics make no mention of an actual party, the sentiment is there. If you’ve ever wanted to stay in bed to totally avoid a social obligation, then this tune could be your anthem. There’s no shame in skipping the party. You do you.

“I Keep Forgettin’ That I Forgot About You”

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Artist: Wynn Stewart
Released: 1967

Taking a look back at country music archives, there’s a treasure trove of hilarious song titles, and this is one of the funniest. Although, the song itself is actually pretty sad because he just can’t get over his ex. For example, “I keep forgettin’ not to remember you/To get you out of my mind/Never more to be swayin’ by all of your charms/I keep forgettin’ not to remember you.” 

“If You Don’t Believe I Love You, Just Ask My Wife”

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Artist: Gary P. Nunn
Released: 1984

Gary P. Nunn gave us one of the best one-liners with this track titled, “If You Don’t Believe I Love You, Just Ask My Wife”. This is another country classic that hit a shockingly inappropriate tone. It may be time for his wife to rethink their marriage. Sheesh!

“If The Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me”

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Artist: Jimmy Buffett
Released: 1985

Jimmy Buffet is most known for his hit single “Margaritaville”, but he also released several other songs with laughable titles. One of our favorites is “If the Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me”. He covers many emotions in the tune, from bitterness to regret. Regardless, the title is pretty darn clever, if you ask us. 

“Who’s Gonna Take The Garbage Out (When I’m Dead And Gone?)”

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Artist: Ernest Tubb and Loretta Lynn
Released: 1969

Loretta Lynn sure does know how to write amusing song names and this one is the best of the best. “Who’s Gonna Take the Garbage Out (When I’m Dead And Gone?)” is the ultimate country music break-up song. Tubb and Lynn go back and forth, insulting each other with bitter barbs, giggling the whole time. They just don’t make songs like this these days. 

“I Bought The Shoes That Just Walked Out On Me”

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Artist: Wynn Stewart
Released: 1970

It may seem cliche to say that country songs are all about heartache, but this twangy one by Wynn Stewart is as sorrowful as they come. Yet, the lyrics are almost comical: “Yes, I bought the shoes that just walked out the door/And the ring on the hand that waved goodbye forevermore/And I bought the lipstick on the lips that begged/”Please set me free”/And I bought the shoes that just walked out on me.” Poor fella!

“Don’t Eat The Yellow Snow”

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Artist: Frank Zappa
Released: 1974

Frank Zappa was a revolutionary and genre-defying musician. His song “Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow” is about a naughty Eskimo who is begging his mom to let him go to a concert. After much discussion, she decides to let him go, as told in the lyrics: “And she said, with a tear in her eye/Watch out where the huskies go/And don’t you eat that yellow snow.” That sounds like good advice to us. 

“I Wanna Find A Woman That’ll Hold My Big Toe Till I Have to Go”

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Artist: Captain Beefheart feat. His Magic Band
Released: 1970

This peculiar blues song just had to be added to this list of hilarious song names. While he does sing about wanting a woman to hold his big toe, he also sings about sweet potatoes and yams, but we get the feeling that he’s not really talking about root vegetables.

“Crippling Self Doubt And A General Lack Of Self Confidence”

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Artist: Courtney Barnett
Released: 2018

Courtney Barnett gets right to the heart of the matter with the title of her song “Crippling Self Doubt and a General Lack of Self Confidence”. It’s obvious this woman has some issues and likes to work through them in her art. Check out these lyrics: “Your opinion means a lot/Well, tell me what’s the use?/I never feel as stupid as when I’m around you.” She could use a hug. 

“Redneck Martians Stole My Baby”

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Artist: Hank Flamingo
Released: 1994

The name of this country song is quite imaginative and also a bit terrifying. It makes us wonder what it would be like to encounter a redneck martian. Would their UFO be shaped like a pickup truck? Would they speak in a southern accent? Either way, we don’t want to meet one.

“Broken Household Appliance National Forest”

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Artist: Grandaddy
Released: 2000

This song performed by the Indie Rock band Grandaddy is about a dumping ground for household appliances. The lyrics are actually a bit touching: “Meadows resemble showroom floors./Owls fly out of oven doors/Stream banks are lined with vacuum bags/Flowers reside with filthy rags.” 

“What Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made A Loser Out Of Me)”

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Artist: Jerry Lee Lewis
Released: 1968

This country song by Jerry Lee Lewis paid homage to Schlitz beer, which slogan once was “The beer that made Milwaukee famous.” The ballad tells the story of a man who chose to go out to the bars over his woman, and he ultimately pays the price. Per the lyrics: “Now’s she’s gone and I’m to blame./Too late I finally see/What’s made Milwaukee famous/Has made a loser out of me.” We think she’s better off without him!

“The Predatory Wasp Of The Palisades Is Out To Get Us!”

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Artist: Sufjan Stevens
Released: 2005

Sufjan Stevens has a reputation for writing lengthy and creative titles to heartbreakingly beautiful songs. This one is no different and from what we’ve gathered, the wasp is a metaphor for lost friendship. Regardless, Stevens waxes poetic about his friend being stung by a wasp at the beach. He also sings about his brother, which might also be his best friend. Riveting stuff.

“She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger”

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Artist: Chuck Mead
Released: 2009

Chuck Mead’s song is the county version of Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On it)”. No, Beyoncé doesn’t have a solo in it, but this tune is written from the male perspective. A woman pressured him to get married and found another man when he didn’t put a ring on it. We’d give that guy the finger, too!

“If You Won’t Be My Number One, Number Two On You”

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Artist: Roger Miller
Released: 1965

This funny song may be gross, but it gets to the point. Roger Miller is the ultimate jaded lover, singing, “Well, if you won’t be my number one, number two on you/Out the back door down the path, you old two-timer you/Well who says you go run and play, while I go boo hoo hoo/If you won’t be my number one, number two on you.” 

“I Did Something Weird Last Night”

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Artist: Jeff Rosenstock
Released: 2016

The name of this song totally pulls the listener in. What weird thing did he do last night? Well, it sounds like he got schnockered and made out with a girl in a van. Then things get a bit neurotic when he wallows in self-doubt and questions if he’ll ever see her again. What a weirdo.

“Only Me And My Hairdresser Know” 

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Artist: Kitty Wells
Released: 1966

This county song is a hoot. Wells seems to be heartbroken, but she dies her hair to hide her pain. You won’t believe these funny lyrics: “My hairdresser covers up the grey/And I paint on a good old smile to go out every day/I’ve kept the hurt concealed the real me never shows/Only me and my hairdresser know.” 

The post Hands Down, The Funniest Song Titles Of All Time appeared first on BetterBe.

Author: Hailey Warren